So THAT explains why they do what they do......



It was bizarre! I had E-Mailed several friends of mine the "yellow sheet" which is the Oregon Liquor Control Commission's 50 signals that you are intoxicated. If not, clicking below will enlarge it for you so that you can have a guffaw and a chuckle:

Right. So, I'm at work speaking with a proprietor of a local "Gentleman's Club" (I use that term in quotation marks for a reason.....but hey, we DO have the most "Gentlemen's Clubs" per capita than anyplace in the entire United States) and he's going off and off about the O.L.C.C.! Now, this is one bureau which you could make the smash hit comedy of the year about. It's just bizarre......

....so he's going on about how idiotic their regulations are. Being a big fan of Government and regulations, I had asked him: "Such as....?" when he told me something I thought was total rubbish!

"Naw, man....if you serve alcohol and food, you must have tables and seating that alot no less than 288 sq. in. of eating space per person eating......"

Yeah....suuuurrre......OK.....just drop off your land use application and get out of my office.......

But no, wait! He told me to check out their web site.........

OH MY GOD......this is like a Zucker/Abrhams/Zucker farce......I mean, when I saw this (bottom of page 2 out of 6), I was stunned.....

And now I actually read this website, and holy shit!!!! It's like the Yes Men have taken over the O.L.C.C.

So, in 2003, this one lady leave the directorship of the O.L.C.C. to join (get ready for this) an organisation called O-CRUD (TOP of page 2 out of 6).......she's replaced in the interim by a woman named Karen.

Right. So, this woman Karen doesn't even make it to permanent director, getting replaced by a woman with a really bad hair day!

OK....so, this one bird here gets Das Boot for visiting my buddy DeWeI (LOVE the pic) just a few months ago. OK.....

OK...so what is it, then? Three directors in three years?

I don't even know who's in charge there this week?????

I mean, come on.....you want a leader for your alcoholic beverage control bureau?? Jesus Christ!!!!!!! It's not BRAIN SURGERY!!! It's called finding some guy down at the local who is widely acknowledged to be the biggest barfly there.....and just hire him!!!!!! WHO ELSE would know more about liquor control than a Barney Gumble or a Charles Bukowski.....

-E-