Few notes from the NorthEast…..

• After a great graduation party, I had the pleasure of viewing the Rocks lose two of three from the Goddamm Pittsburgh Pirates! The Pirates possess THEE worst record in baseball…..losing two outta three to Pittsburgh……now that took a special kind of skill. Cool pics that were taken from thee best stadium in baseball (PNC park) coming as soon as I take the film to Rite-Aid……

• Had six hours to kill between when they kicked my father and I out of our hotel in Pittsburgh and when first pitch was at PNC Park, so we went to go see a movie. Went to a suburban strip mall with a cinema that looks like it was built in that really ugly era of architecture (like, the late 1960’s) and that also had these really cool avocado-coloured naguahyde seats and about six screens. With not much to choose from, my mum called and suggested we see The Devil Wears Prava. Oh man….what a shite film! I mean, not only was it a chick flick……but it was a really baaaaad chick flick! The only saving grace was that Vincent Chase (Head On, James Cameron’s Aquaman, Queens Boulevard) was in it. Afterwards, I had heard that Vincent (and my ex- boo’s brother as well) had both received a phone call from 1978…..it wanted its hairdo back……

• Spent 48 hours in a casino. Strange shit, I kinda now how the frauds of the Biosphere II felt, living in a hermetically-sealed environment where everything you need is right there (pints, smokes, newspapers, hotel, food, condoms, etc. etc. etc.).

• Got really tired and bored with playing slots, so I ambled on over to the dice table. Fucking hell…..THAT was strange!! I walk up there, find an open spot and this fat, old scary looking sort (like an extra on The Sopranos) to my left says “Hey! Ya mind moving to the other side of me? I’m trying ta shoot here!” So I do and I decide to toss down ten bucks on something called “Field”! Next thing I know, somebody from the casino who works behind the dice table puts two $5 chips next to my two $5 chips!!

“Wow, employees can wager here?” I asked!

“No, those are yours….you won.”

“How’d I do that?”

Let’s just say that the dice table rules and payouts are quite literally like quantum physics……and I had noooooooo clue what the hell was going on. Then, suddenly, a gentleman who works at the casino who appeared to be holding something that looked exactly like a miniature shepard’s crook shoved five dice at me. At first I was going to ask him where his flock is, but thought better of it. I thought this was a comp souvenir or something! Then he goes, “Please select two dice.” And I grab two and go “OK, why do I get these?”


“You’re shooting. It’s your roll!!”

“I have to hurl these things???? Are you serious??”

“Yes. You’re next in line!”

I was having baaaaad visions of Fat Tony da Gangster next to me going out to tell Guido that I am to be fitted for cement shoes because I rolled the wrong number! SHIT!!! How do I get myself into these situations???

Then another old fiddy-something organized crime-looking fat guy with a cigar hangin’ outta his mouth goes “Hey! How come that guy’s (me) the shooter??” To which the guy who holds the shepard’s crook said “He’s got action” (obviously, this guy has never talked to any girl I’ve ever slept with….they’d all beg to differ.)

I mean, I’d seen this shit, like, on TV and in the movies……but I had nooooo clue. So I just hurled the dice to the far end of the table, and people appeared to be happy. I guess they were happy as long as I didn’t throw a seven. It was creepy…..as I rolled, they kept getting louder and louder and Fat Tony was slapping me on the back, and I felt like that kid in the Vegas Vacation movie (the one who ends up with the entourage of ‘hos...Nick Papagiorgio I think his name is)……I rolled for what seemed to be an eternity, then got the hell out of there….

• STILL looking for a "Run, Bucky Run" T-Shirt......

• Speaking of T-shirts, saw the best T-Shirt at the Seneca Niagara Casino: “Try Community College – It’s just like regular college, only easier!”

Back home soon.......

-E-