Engrish 101......


I love it when Chinese manufacturers refuse to shell out the bucks and get a Brit or an American who knows Chinese to do the translating on the instructions for a Chinese manufactured product. Rather, they save many dollars and hire their buddy's kid outta the University, who kinda sorta speaks English!

One of these kids did the English translations on the outside box on my smokeless whale ashtray that I ordered a few years back. On the box, it talked about something (noun, verb.....??? I didn't know what the fuck this word was) called "inhaust".....


....to the best estimation that I could come up with, "inhaust" is the state of not breathing, that oxygen-less moment between when one's lungs inhale and when they exhaust!







So, I was mailed these instructions for a WebCam I bought that was made in China using the same economising translation technique:

Now, I'm always a big fan of something that would make my life more colourful......and what is "35ten thousand"? 350,000??

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Disaster and unexpected make computer can not work?? Hell, that happened to my laptop last week! Computer can not work, it was unexpected, and it was a major disaster! I almost committed sewieside, as my Niece would say, without my computer!! So no matter what you purchase, PLEASE always read The Notice Thing

Please send products with effective receipt back to the sellers. Right!!! 'Cause, if there's one thing that really pisses me off, it's those Goddamm ineffective receipts! Good for nothing, lazy, and generally just not worth it!!!

If you are really find any problems with our products......LOVE that one. No, REALLY.....I mean, like, really now.....real trouble! THEN take it back to the store.....none of this fake shit......

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Hippies under the bridge.....

Saw a fun band last weekend at the Portland Saturday Hippie Market. They were these, like, eleven folks who were playing what appeared to be Xylophones.......but they had this weird sound to 'em......literally almost sounding like an organ, and they sang in a totally foreign language......

They were called Boka Marimba, and these people sing in something referred to as the Shona language, sound like they're playing an organ because below their marimbas (what I mistakenly thought were Xylophones), they have these lengths of plastique PVC pipe each wrapped in cellophane (WTF????) and it ends up making this weird, haunting noise.......like a buzzing organ! And everybody in this 11-piece band are white, and there are even a couple native-born Oregonians in it (you can always easily spot a native-born Oregonian: They are thee only human beings on Earth who possess the physical properties and attributes that enable them to scare the fuck out of Casper The Friendly Ghost!!!!! If you've never come across a native-born Oregonian, in this pic, an anti-gambling poster put out by The Oregon Lottery, there is an excellent example of a native-born Oregon girl who was just fondled and molested by a member of the Blue Man Group)......but no Bruthas in this band!! Weird.....and yet they actually had some talent.......

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New entry to the dictionary -

'Spanned (as in to be/to get 'Spanned): The term for the entire sequence of events where one who was mislead into a false sense of success through bizarre stories and antics, a feeling of confidence suddenly washed away when the organizer dissipates, (normally with all monies contributed in the form of labor, cash, or goodwill).

e. g. A- "He comes in with his girlfriend, sits down with us, and they each order, like, three Grey Goose double martinis, and then they say how they really have to get running and they're late and stuff.......and they leave a five dollar bill on the table! Jesus, man....we just got '$panned!!!!"

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e.g. B- "Hey whaasup??"

"Not much, you?"

Nothing new.....hey, meant ta ask ya: Your paycheque clear???

No....how'd YOU know??

'Cause mine didn't either!!! Goddamm, I'm soooooo sick and tired of getting 'Spanned by this company!!

Related: see movie Kingpin - "you pulled a Munson"

Origins: believed to be named after Jason Greenspan of Colorado.....former proprietor of H.D.M.C. and D.M.E.

More pics on the http://ernie-pics.blogpot.com page as soon as I take 'em!! Probably in a week or two!!!!! Thanx for your patience.....

-E-