Right....so, WHERE was me again?
Oh, right....
Greetings from The Hills of Cedar.....
Well....the few times it's clear, I look out over Downtown Beaverton from this view......
I mean, I like RyanAir......I've flown them on several occasions. They're very friendly folk, absurdly cheap (I once had booked a flight from London to Barcelona in 2005 for, literally, $16.74 total round trip) and now they're assisting in raising money for special needs children!
Continued on a new tradition I created where, in the first weekend of December, I go to HooDoo and go skiing. Franz Klammer or Picabo Street I AIN'T!! Actually, FAR from it.
Actually, this was, like, my fifth time skiing ever......
But still, bunny hill a few times...then a couple SLIGHTLY faster hills....then I'm set. Well.....not this time.....
Stayed at a nearby summer outdoorsey tourist town called Detroit, Oregon in a motel room that was about the size of my closet and about 70 years older! I mean, I'm a huge fan of old historic charm....but this place had neither, history nor charm. But still, it was thee only place within one hour of HooDoo that was less than $139.00 a night! Plus, despite only possessing about 277 souls, this town at least had a pub......plus a very eeeerie feeling of being in the location where they filmed First Blood.....
Cool, so the next morning, I get to the ski hill. It was mellow going alone, 'cause I jus' took my sweeet-ass ole' time on the slopes, and had fun. Usually, I go skiing with a friend, and they tell me to hurry the fuck up and get offa the bunny hill 'cause they wanna go on the quadruple-black-diamond hyper widowmaker cliff jump or some shit like that! No pressure for me this time....again, I was having fun......initially, anyways.....
Just when I was reeeaaallly starting to get into it, I stooopidly decide to go down a run that I'd not been down before that is MARKED as a "green" run, only to discover, once I'm a quarter of the way on it, that it's waaaay steep (by my beginner standards) and really narrow. Cute. It's interesting the conversations you have with yourself during moments like this:
OK....cool...no worries! Make the snowplow/pizza wedge with your skis to stop! Cool....
......ahhhhh.......no. Ain't working. Too steep.....
Errmm....uhhhh.....OK. Well, go ride on the sides of the skis for a turn perpendicular so you can stop! There ya go! Cool.
......ahhhhh.....no. Ain't working. Too narrow. I'm about to plow into a fucking TREE!! And it's coming FAST!!
Ahhh....OK. Well, then....shit, I dunno. Maybe try panicking?
Which I did, and ended up doing a three-and-a-half tuck double somersault with a triple Lutz and a double Salchow to boot that vaguely resembled something on the opening of the 1970's ABC show Wide World of Sports......something about "The agony of defeat"......
So, when I finally stop tumbling, and shortly after I let out what was literally an eardrum-piercing "FUCK!!!!!", I proceed to take an assessment. Seems like my left knee kind of bent in a direction which it was naturally never meant to bend in. And then I saw, before my eyes, in searing bright red letters, the acronym.....
A.C.L.
Man, DID this idea have the word "suck!" written all over it or what....especially now! So, after I was lying in the freshly-dropped powder for five minutes or so, this 13-year-old kid comes screaming by, and does a hyper stop-turn combination about five feet from me that, had I attempted that move, would have put me in the grave.....
"You all right, mister?"
Oh....yeah....yeah....I'm fine....uhhhh....yeah, just taking a breather.....yeah, thass it....bit of a rest......
"You sure? You want me to get the snowmobile?"
OK, now I don't give a damm whether you took just a slight tumble, or instead, you broke your leg in FIVE places and TWO of the points of breakage have parts of your femur poking out THROUGH your skin and one part of your tibia is lying in the snow back up at the top of the run....doesn't matter. Either way......you DO NOT get the snowmobile......
.....sorry. Stupid as that sounds, there is just something totally un-masculine about getting The Snowmobile.
Naw.....naw, I'll be fine...just a bit of rest....and....
"All right. If you're sure......."
OK, I thought to myself....so, I CAN move my knee! All right.....THAT'S a relief.....uhhhh, now HOW am I gonna git down the rest of this ski run??
Apparently, I was a bit TOO much of a Drama Queen, and while my knee felt funny, I could at least walk! So, I just figured, screw this!! I'm just gonna walk down the rest of the Goddamm hill!!!!
Then, I re-figured, screw THIS! Walking's gonna take all Goddamm year to git down there!!
Well, nobody's actually ON this run right now for me to plow into and kill....so it's balls to the walls, I guess.....
.....and I just gunned it down the rest of the run! Wasn't TRYING to gun it, but I had to. I couldn't stop, and the last time I tried to stop, I ended up on the intro to Wide World of Sports!!
Made it down to the base after going real fast, but didn't fall EVEN ONCE! That musta been the consolation prize.
Knee felt kinda weird....so I just walked over to the lodge, turned in my rental skis, and drove back to Portlandia.....
HAD plans for a four-day Christmas trip to the rural mountains of Idaho to go skiing and then soak in hot springs.
Uhhhh.........
.......no.
More soon.....
-E-
Oh, right....
Greetings from The Hills of Cedar.....
Well....the few times it's clear, I look out over Downtown Beaverton from this view......
- Man.....somebody has just got to lighten the fuck up!!
I mean, I like RyanAir......I've flown them on several occasions. They're very friendly folk, absurdly cheap (I once had booked a flight from London to Barcelona in 2005 for, literally, $16.74 total round trip) and now they're assisting in raising money for special needs children!
Man, this entire "objectification" rubbish is just getting absurd.....it's like abortion: Against it??? Don't have one, then! Don't like girls in bikinis on calendars??? DON'T BUY IT!
- Spent Thanxgiving flying to Buffalo.
Fun time.....probably had one of thee best steak dinners I've had in a long time (at The Buffalo Chophouse) on Thanksgiving evening, had an amazing time with several different people I really wanted to see and hadn't seen in a long time, didn't run into anyone that I really didn't want to see, and went with my mum to our Nation's casino....and walked out with around one-fiddy more than I walked in there with! 
OK.....all right.....so we didn't get a Falls View room, nor a suite this time, but hell....the room was free. And there's nothing like the vista overlooking an abandoned waterslide park and the factories of Niagara Falls, New York!!!!!!
Shit.....very enjoyable trip there!!
....may do it again shortly.....
- HooDoo Guru.....
Continued on a new tradition I created where, in the first weekend of December, I go to HooDoo and go skiing. Franz Klammer or Picabo Street I AIN'T!! Actually, FAR from it.
Actually, this was, like, my fifth time skiing ever......
But still, bunny hill a few times...then a couple SLIGHTLY faster hills....then I'm set. Well.....not this time.....
Stayed at a nearby summer outdoorsey tourist town called Detroit, Oregon in a motel room that was about the size of my closet and about 70 years older! I mean, I'm a huge fan of old historic charm....but this place had neither, history nor charm. But still, it was thee only place within one hour of HooDoo that was less than $139.00 a night! Plus, despite only possessing about 277 souls, this town at least had a pub......plus a very eeeerie feeling of being in the location where they filmed First Blood.....
Cool, so the next morning, I get to the ski hill. It was mellow going alone, 'cause I jus' took my sweeet-ass ole' time on the slopes, and had fun. Usually, I go skiing with a friend, and they tell me to hurry the fuck up and get offa the bunny hill 'cause they wanna go on the quadruple-black-diamond hyper widowmaker cliff jump or some shit like that! No pressure for me this time....again, I was having fun......initially, anyways.....
Just when I was reeeaaallly starting to get into it, I stooopidly decide to go down a run that I'd not been down before that is MARKED as a "green" run, only to discover, once I'm a quarter of the way on it, that it's waaaay steep (by my beginner standards) and really narrow. Cute. It's interesting the conversations you have with yourself during moments like this:
OK....cool...no worries! Make the snowplow/pizza wedge with your skis to stop! Cool....
......ahhhhh.......no. Ain't working. Too steep.....
Errmm....uhhhh.....OK. Well, go ride on the sides of the skis for a turn perpendicular so you can stop! There ya go! Cool.
......ahhhhh.....no. Ain't working. Too narrow. I'm about to plow into a fucking TREE!! And it's coming FAST!!
Ahhh....OK. Well, then....shit, I dunno. Maybe try panicking?
Which I did, and ended up doing a three-and-a-half tuck double somersault with a triple Lutz and a double Salchow to boot that vaguely resembled something on the opening of the 1970's ABC show Wide World of Sports......something about "The agony of defeat"......
So, when I finally stop tumbling, and shortly after I let out what was literally an eardrum-piercing "FUCK!!!!!", I proceed to take an assessment. Seems like my left knee kind of bent in a direction which it was naturally never meant to bend in. And then I saw, before my eyes, in searing bright red letters, the acronym.....
A.C.L.
Man, DID this idea have the word "suck!" written all over it or what....especially now! So, after I was lying in the freshly-dropped powder for five minutes or so, this 13-year-old kid comes screaming by, and does a hyper stop-turn combination about five feet from me that, had I attempted that move, would have put me in the grave.....
"You all right, mister?"
Oh....yeah....yeah....I'm fine....uhhhh....yeah, just taking a breather.....yeah, thass it....bit of a rest......
"You sure? You want me to get the snowmobile?"
OK, now I don't give a damm whether you took just a slight tumble, or instead, you broke your leg in FIVE places and TWO of the points of breakage have parts of your femur poking out THROUGH your skin and one part of your tibia is lying in the snow back up at the top of the run....doesn't matter. Either way......you DO NOT get the snowmobile......
.....sorry. Stupid as that sounds, there is just something totally un-masculine about getting The Snowmobile.
Naw.....naw, I'll be fine...just a bit of rest....and....
"All right. If you're sure......."
OK, I thought to myself....so, I CAN move my knee! All right.....THAT'S a relief.....uhhhh, now HOW am I gonna git down the rest of this ski run??
Apparently, I was a bit TOO much of a Drama Queen, and while my knee felt funny, I could at least walk! So, I just figured, screw this!! I'm just gonna walk down the rest of the Goddamm hill!!!!
Then, I re-figured, screw THIS! Walking's gonna take all Goddamm year to git down there!!
Well, nobody's actually ON this run right now for me to plow into and kill....so it's balls to the walls, I guess.....
.....and I just gunned it down the rest of the run! Wasn't TRYING to gun it, but I had to. I couldn't stop, and the last time I tried to stop, I ended up on the intro to Wide World of Sports!!
Made it down to the base after going real fast, but didn't fall EVEN ONCE! That musta been the consolation prize.
Knee felt kinda weird....so I just walked over to the lodge, turned in my rental skis, and drove back to Portlandia.....
HAD plans for a four-day Christmas trip to the rural mountains of Idaho to go skiing and then soak in hot springs.
Uhhhh.........
.......no.
More soon.....
-E-
posted by CN250 at 9:28 PM
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