About thee ONLY free thing in Vegas.......



......is this Wi-Fi at McCarren that I'm posting this on.

• Went to Vegas for four days this weekend (which, my belief is, is three days too long), this time to meet my mum.
  

Too much overload....never really thought I'd actually look forward to returning to work, but after this....

Wasn't a bad trip at all....I actually came out about $100 more than I started with....and decided to post this instead of playing the slots at McCarren......but it was just too much. Vegas is good literally once every two years or so.....twice a year is....well, excessive.

Still, if you've not been before, here's Ernie's half-assed tips to have as much fun as you can in Vegas -

- First off, if you're coming from the Pacific NorthWest, fly on Alaska Airlines. Fiddy buxx extra gets you First Class....I mean, come on! Find THAT on any airline to Vegas??

- Also to do before you get there, if you is renting a car, ALWAYS join whatever car rental company you're renting from's "special program" - an example of this would be, say, Hertz Club #1 Gold, Thrifty's Blue Chip, Dollar's Dollar Express, National's Emerald Club, etc. etc. etc. - Signing up in these programs is totally FREE....but just give them your spam-only E-Mail address, 'cause you'll be inundated with "HEY! E, Thrifty's got this car on special this week" sort of E-Mails DAILY!!

This is because I can fucking guarantee you that you WILL be waiting at least in hour at the rental car counter (these car rental companies apparently pay shit, so they can't get anyone to fill these jobs, and thus, there are nineteen open spaces at the rental counter....and about three of them are actually staffed). Thus, as a member of the aforementioned program, you will be told to totally jump the queue as a Blue Chip/Dollar Express/#1 Club Gold/whatever member and save literally at least 60 minutes in line!!

- Once IN your car, do NOT drive on Las Vegas Boulevard ("The Strip") between 7AM and 1AM! Between these hours, in thee BEST of circumstances, you will average about 10 MPH! Usually??? You will literally NOT move!! I do NOT exaggerate this point....you will seriously NOT move! I-fifteen makes a nice alternative, as does Paradise Road.

- To Strip or not to Strip?? What did you come to Vegas for?? If you're just here to take in some amazing sights, gawk, see a couple shows, seek out the beautiful people, be seen yourself, etc etc. then staying on or hitting The Strip is indeed for you! If you are a serious gambler.....do not do slots on the strip. Table games like Craps and Blackjack are the ONLY things to be played there! For slots? Downtown is good, and The Boulder Highway and Henderson are even better. Why?

Boulder Highway (Sam's Town, Boulder Station), Henderson (Sunset Station, and several other casinos) and, to a lesser extent, Downtown, do NOT have HUGE outdoor spectacle shows (think Treasure Island), dolphins to feed (think Mirage), Penn and Teller to pay (think The Rio) and millions of dollars in other overhead costs!!!! The corporations that own these Strip casinos are NOT going to pay for this useless rubbish out of THEIR pockets....thus, the slot payoffs on The Strip are notorious for being shit!!

If you're looking at just getting people back in to play on their next trip to Vegas (or, especially, catering to locals to play there consistently) with winning machines, lots of good food, etc. etc., then you really don't need Sigfried and Roy or a fucking volcano on your front lawn to get people in the door....the folks will return to your casino! Again, when you go, it's just what your looking to do in Vegas - Gawk or Gamble?? That will help you determine The Strip or an outlying area! BUT, not too outlying, such as Primm or Jean.

Primm is a resort with lots of stuff to do that basically is meant for Southern Californians who really want to gamble, but they can't pawn off the chill'uns on Aunt Sally this weekend, so they're stuck with 'em! And when they figure that $129 per night for a Family Suite vs. $350-PLUS for the same Suite at most places on The Strip, well, Primm then becomes a no-brainer! Thing that sucks big time about Primm is when you is trying to get your serious Gamblin' Jones on, and there's LITERALLY throngs of screaming kids between 4 and 12 years old running all around when you're the shooter at the Craps table and about to roll......well, it isn't much fun, really. And I really wonder just HOW much of a good idea that whole scene is, especially considering what happened in Primm in 1997. Especially creepy is the fact that of all of the two total casino-related child murders in Nevada history....BOTH occurred in Primm. GREAT roller coaster, though!

Jean, NV is another far out town to avoid. There is ONE casino there (and THAT IS ALL that is there - yet, Geographically, Jean, NV is considered to be a town), and man, is that casino ghetto. This is where Southern Californians who really want to try gambling, but cannot afford even thee cheapest Veags package, end up getting suckered into ("Only 20 minutes from Las Vegas....yet soooooo much more affordable"). I mean, this place still spits out the coins from the machine (as opposed to Ticket In - Ticket Out.....which about 90 to 95 percent of casinos around the country today use), for Christ sakes.

Few quick news observations......

• This bit of sensationalising a non-story is brought to you by the good folks at The Associated Press. Jesus, doesn't ANYONE proofread anymore?? Whoopster isn't "defending" Michael Vick, for Chrissakes!! She simply stated that "from where he comes from" in the South, dogfighting isn't that unusual. "It's like cockfighting in Puerto Rico," she said. "There are certain things that are indicative to certain parts of the country."

Come on!! She stated Geographically where this sort of deviant behavor tends to occur (although she DID forget to mention that predominately African-American ares in inner-cities often are cited by authorities as being hotbeds of dogfighting). She DID NOT "defend" -

A) dogfighting in general NOR
B) Michael Vick's participation in dogfighting

And it's NOT just a FarceNews thing.....ALL media outlets (left, right, centre, etc.) are using the term that Whoopster "defended" Michael Vick!

Jesus......

• Speaking of "mainstream" media....whass up with THIS story, where the author is shocked that the Los Angeles Dodgers and Philadelphia Phillies are in the playoff hunt and are making big news of that fact.
  
  Christ, my beloved Rockies are very much in the thick of the playoff hunt, in fact THEE closest they've been since 1993 (they are usually mathematically eliminated from the playoff chase by June)....yet not a peep about them. WTF?????
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



• Finally......swear to The Flying Spaghetti Monster, I saw Norfwess Airline doing this to help repair one of their DC-9's that they still fly today that was manufactured literally BEFORE I WAS BORN (and THAT was a long-ass time ago!!)......
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

Hope you enjoyed the observations....and I hope the above tips help you should you find yourself in Vegas anytime soon.....me? I is gonna purge my soul and cleanse myself this weekend at The Ocean!

-E-