I just realised that there is.....



....something that is more scary for sports teams than playing a road game at altitude.



It's called "facing American League pitching'!!


Still, though.....didn't break my leg jumping off the bandwagon! I STILL love my Rox!!!

Thank you, Rockies! I'M still very proud of what you accomplished!

Batting camp for the Rockies begins October 29th, 2007!

But if I hear that fucking irritating Red Sox Bullpen drumming on the railings, I'm gonna PUKE!! I mean, the fact that those assholes actually pulled that shit AT COORS....I was just literally praying that the fans in Sections 202 and 203 would just rain trash down upon those jerkoffs. I mean, you're up fucking six-nil, for Christ sakes.....is there really any reason to act so bush-league??

Still....think about this: The Rox TOTAL payroll for 2007 was $54 million. The Red Sox paid $51.1 million JUST TO NEGOTIATE with Daisuke Matsuzaka.....THEIR 2007 team payroll??? Try $143 million!!!

Shit....give Boston a maximum payroll of $54 million and see if they can win a Goddamm pennant!! Naw.....didn't think so!!!!

The fact that CLEVELAND got to the American League Championship Series (and ALMOST won it) with a $61 Million payroll should have THEM crowned as World Champions!

Any moron with too few brains and too much ego and waaaaay too much money can actually BUY a championship. Hell.....the Yankees have done that more times than I can count.

On a different note....rented the first season of this 'Heroes' show. Gonna TRY to watch it....if for nothing else, the fact that Kristen Bell is now on it.....

Pics from random travels ARE NOW on the pics page! Enjoy.....

-E-

Now, I've heard weather forecasters use some really bizarre adjectives before....



....but I really don't think I've ever seen THIS before on a weather forecast:









Patchy Smoke

Hi 94°F


Man, still wonder how or why anyone lives in California....

Speaking of weird adjectives....

I was back in Buffalo a while ago, and my dad asked my to install this weird-ass thing he bought (my father will see this shit on TV, nod his head thoughtfully, then go out and buy it on his next trip to Walgreen's!!). OK....well, I have a look at it, and somehow, it's supposed to clip on to the front of your air vent on your dashboard, and of course, thee little part that actually CLIPS the thing on is missing somewhere, no doubt lying on the floor in one of the aisles of Walgreen's. Whatever. So I re-read the instructions, and I mean, Ive heard of, like, East Asian translations of English (like my Chinese smokeless ashtray - "Ashtray blower-fan will suck in inhaust" - Wow....wish I could make up words like that!!)....but this was in (what appears to be) Yankee English!! Go head....click on it and read it.....

I mean....wow!!!

• "This is not a toy" - Ya think???!!?
• "Do not keep pets in car without adequate ventilation" - ESPECIALLY if they have to smell the stench that comes outta this Goddamm thing! Small children and infants are OK in the car without ventilation....it's just the pets you have to be mindful of.
• "Intended for adult use only" - Sorry....that scares me a bit....
• "Use only for intended purposes and according to instructions for use" - Wow.....cool....makes me wonder: So, what exactly IS the chemical composition if the ingredients of this Johnson Wax product?? And would I be arrested if I took it to Bhopal?

.

Her name is Reno and she dances on the sand.....

Went to Reno this past weekend.....

Had a bit of a going away send off blowout for my friend Gord, as he's leaving The Rose City after his wife and he bought a big-ass motor home and they plan to tour the U.S., stopping every so often to do contract work to pay the bills. Five of us flew down there....and, thank Christ.....five of us came back.

Reno is probably thee most morbidly depressed city I've ever spent time in (and believe me - I've spent time in several very depressing places). Nobody there is particularly friendly, happy or even remotely content. It has an almost overwhelming feeling of hopelessness and......I dunno.....almost resentment that one can literally feel in the atmosphere around there. It's a very difficult feeling to qualify very well into words. Was gonna try to take a whole mess of fotograffs to try to capture this sense in some sort of fotojournal.....but the idea of getting into a brawl with the locals by shooting their pictures without asking them first kinda put me offa that idea. Probably coulda just shot the buildings and maybe that woulda worked.....but I don't think it woulda conveyed the sense very well as pics of people on the street would have. So, the camera stayed packed pretty much all of the trip, as my lungs, liver and wallet proceeded to get dropkicked hard by this city.

No more Nevada forra long-ass time. I really don't think I could survive it....and besides, it makes me actually look forward to coming back to work! And you really shouldn't want to go back to work.....

.

Fin......

This entire Comcast thing kinda pisses me off. I had read a few days ago articles online about how Comcast had blocked and delayed access for its customers to some websites and how some people were up in arms screaming "SEE?? Without 'net neutrality, THIS is what you get!!! Ha ha!! Told ya so!!"

Whoooa.......hold the fone there, Tex.....

Now, I am NOT a huge fan of Comcast! They literally are OK. Not great at all, but not horrible (and, if you have EVER dealt with The Great Satan - a.k.a. Qwest Communications - you probably know what I'm talking about when I say "horrible"!) and my Internet has NEVER DIED! No...it seriously hasn't.....

OK, so whass with this blocking or slowing access to certain websites, then?

All right. For starters, when I think of what the perceived threat is from ISP's not following 'net neutrality, my image of that is where, say, if I want to order a pizza over the Internet, my ISP will DELIBERATELY SLOW my access to......say.....Papa Johns. BUT....BUT....if I go to www.pizzahut.com and order that pizza, it'll go thru at lightning speed? Why? Maybe because Pizza Hut is a paid advertiser for my ISP? THEN, THEN I have a big-ass problem with my ISP and that is not cool....naw....bye-bye!

BUT, BUT....if you'd get the entire story, what Comcast is actually doing is MANAGING the bandwidth. SLOWING access to sites like Gnutella, BitTorrent, etc. NOT for those downloading.....say....a three-MEG song or some shit......

.....noooo, Comcast is slowing down access for that asshole who pays thee same exact amount as you, and whilst you download a song or two every so often, send a few fotograffs every so often via E-Mail, and surf websites and read E-Mail, this asshole is downloading MOVIE AFTER MOVIE and trying to download War and fucking Peace and Christ knows what other 40-MEG files!!

Good for you, Comcast......kinda like Communism! Way things SHOULD be! Gotta problem wiff that?? Well, if you really enjoy downloading your 40+ MEG files, movies and such, Comcast has a tiered pricing package for how fast you want the connection and how much usage you need to get out of your broadband connection!! So buy the package that's a tier or two higher performing (and, therefore more expensive) than the standard cable Internet, and away you go, downloading to your heart's content!

I mean, thass kinda like, let's pretend, there's only so much oil that is obtainable under the Earth. And, let's say that the Earth is for all creatures to share....

....well, I mean, what if your group used more than 25% of such resources and yet had only 3% of the total of the world's population and, now, how would that......

OK...fuck it, I don't hafta give you an analogy - you get the point! Still, though....ya gotta admit....the granny with the claw hammer story is cool.....

Pics WILL be on the pic page by Thursday......still kinda in a daze....

GO ROX!!!!!!!

And remember.....real baseball forces the pitcher to take a few swings at the plate! Would we have had Babe Ruth if the Designated Hitter rule had been in place?

-E-

Back to random blatherings......

• How 'bout dem Rox??

Man, between the game on Friday September 28th, where I swore they were done for the season, and the playoff tie-breaker on Monday October 1st, where there was NO WAY IN HELL a team could come back from a two-run deficit in the bottom half OF THE 13TH INNING, to this.....National League Champions!!! Wow......THANK YOU, ROCKIES.....

Still a bit pissed off at all the bandwagon jumping in Denver, but hell.....that's just Denver for ya......and for this, I'll put up with almost anything!

• Apologies for being half-assed about posting to this....been traveling too much (bit of a family emergency in Buffalo.....followed by watching said Rockies sweep Philly live at Coors Field in Denver, and this coming weekend, I'm on a flight to Reno).....

This past weekend was the first I'd actually spent in Portlandia in a long-ass time.....and I took full advantage of it by sequestering up at The Ranch all weekend, watching hockey, baseball, football, cooking out, and recording tunes. We cranked out two tunes (I'll pop 'em on one of the blogs as soon as we shoot the videos for 'em) and were working on the first single for the album (a track titled "Homophobe Reform School" - a true Portland love story) when the subject of the song and the guy writing the lyrics got into a Stolichnaya-fueled argument about first-person vs. third person. Then the composer broke in and went off about how the vocals hafta go around the drums and NOT the bass riff........

......Christ on a bike!

Eventually, the subject of the song passed out where he stood, the composer wasn't in ANY shape to do a semi-intricate bass line, and they guy writing the lyrics just gave the fuck up! So we put "Homophobe Reform School" on the back burner for now. Actually, we may have taken the Goddamm thing offa the stove entirely!!!

Ten minutes and a couple pints after giving up on "Homophobe Reform School", a totally different song was recorded....this one titled "Dollar Store".....available for download eventually.....like, right after whenever we have enuff ambition to shoot the video for it.

• Windows Vista sucks!!!

I won't touch that shit.....but I had to deal with a relative's new computer, and it came with Vista, and I've read (and personally experienced) NOTHING but negative things about it! I really want to wait for "Vista - THIS time it will work" to come out in, say....oooooh, 2009 or so......THEN it'll function reasonably well (Remember such Gates hits as "Windows 98 - SECOND EDITION" and "Windows XP - SERVICE PACK TWO"???).

.....in the interim - anyone have a clue HOW (step-by-step, in one-syllable English words, please) to retrofit a new computer with Vista back to using Windows XP?

Anyone......anyone.....Bueller......Bueller.....???

• Next time I hear some capitalist wankshaft go on a rant about how horrible the Canadian health care system is......

....I'll just lose it.

Especially after finding out how a friend of mine had their health insurance cancelled for making too many claims because it was discovered and confirmed that they have Lupus! Discovered after my friend took out their insurance policy......

This REALLY infuriated me. "CANCELLED" health insurance????!!? Like....they can actually DO that to you??

....yes, E, they can. And they do.

NO! Wrong answer! Cancelled????

Come on! I mean, your homeowner's insurance gets cancelled for you being a prat and leaving your doors unlocked all the time!!! Your auto insurance gets cancelled for you attempting to break land-speed records on I-5 or convincing yourself that you actually CAN drive better after five pitchers of lager!

Point being....you don't go out and get Lupus, cancer, what have you, through idiocy and/or negligent behaviour!

Something really has to be done.....but I ain't holding my breath on it happening in the next five years......

• Speaking of medicine......

There are some things that are just too bizarre to be believed! I mean, look at this!!! COME ON!!! "Restless Leg Syndrome"?? Tell me....TELL ME that somebody just didn't make that shit up? And NOW the made-up drug used to treat this made-up affliction has a made-up side effect of compulsive gambling?? Jesus....was this on the mainstream national news or in The Onion?

Damm....and all along I thought only in MY line of employ do they make up solutions for problems that never really existed......

• Finally....a couple amusing retro videos from You Tube -

The Box - L'Affair Dumoutier (you're probably gonna hafta crank up the volume on this one should you actually want to listen to the song)

Just listening to this goofy-ass band makes me really want to go back to Montreal.....RIGHT NOW! But seriously....between the spectacular Canadian mullets, and the fact that the lounge scene near the end clearly displays what may happen after too many La Fin du Mondes (as in, you meet some French-Canadian bird at a club, and select some barn at random to roll in the hay in....and then shit goes all wrong...and then, suddenly, you're in the madhouse, then suddenly in court, with some newspaper reporter with a really bad Kevin Bacon haircut screaming at you IN FRENCH! THIS is why I have laid offa La Fin.) Love the Renault R5 Police Car, too.....supposedly Jean-Marc Parsipa gave up the cigs a few years back, last I heard.....this was after he gave up on acting in musik videos......

The Fall - Fifteen Ways

Mark E. at his finest.......check the director's notes to the right of the video...great tune....strange vid!

Pics from the most recent road trips on the pic page in a couple days!

-E-

This is gonna be short and sweet......

.....'cause I got a early morning flight to Denver tomorrow to see the sweep!!

But still, this is bizarre.....I mean, listening to this old redneck woman teach you how to make "Buffalo" wings (Bison DO NOT HAVE WINGS....but Chickens do) the way they make 'em at "The Anchor Restaurant in Buffalo, Noo Yawk!! And we're gonna drop these nekkid into our hot grease.....little bastard!"

Ummm-hmmm......shit......from oil level, temperature.....and so many other things that she's doing wrong......I'd not seen such a half-arsed method of making wings in my life!

Duff's should sue this lady.....

Go ROCKS!!

-E-

Errrrmmm.........no..........wrong Colorado Rockies...................

.

Thass better......

Thirteen years.......THIRTEEN FUCKING YEARS!!

Thirteen years, I have been a die-hard Rockies fan!

Oh yeah....watched 'em at Coors more times than I can remember....saw 'em in Pittsburgh several times....watched them in Toronto.....I've been mocked at fucking Safeco for even BEING a Rockies fan whilst watching them in Seattle....

Denver residents will go to ANY....ANY.....ANY Donkeys (Broncos) match.....ANY Avs match (for Avalanche matches, it's always the ten-dollar cigar and $15 martini crowd eager to be seen....as tickets for Avs games price out any LEGITIMATE hockey fans...and these fuckin' Nouveau-riche faux-debutant bozos sit there in the $120-per-ticket lower bowl of The Pepsi Centre and blab on their Goddamm cell fones ALL GAME LONG!).....and thass it.

Nuggets start doing really well....like, threaten to make the playoffs as the number eight seed in the NBA Western Conference? WHOOOOOA!! WHOA! Suddenly, everyone in Denver's a fucking Nuggets fan!!! Funny! I remember going to a couple Nuggets matches (more curiosity than anything....I really have zero use for NBA basketball and literally could care less) and literally, seriously, having the total run of the house! I coulda sat in ANY Goddamm seat of The Pepsi Centre!!! 'Course.....at the time, they were 18 and 31 won-loss record.

And the Rox!!! Shit, I can't even count HOW many times I blew off work to go catch opening day at Coors Field!!!! Then, come mid-July games against The Brewers......The Reds.....you know, when they were playing the non-glamour teams.....when the Rox were, like, 30 and 58 won-loss record!!! Guess what?? I WAS FUCKING THERE!!! Maybe about ten other people were as well (OK! SLIGHT exaggeration....but still)......but I was there!

I was there listening to the games on the radio whenever I couldn't go, back when Jeff Kingery and (tenth level master asshole) Wayne Hagin (who almost found himself looking at the wrong end of a Louisville Slugger held by Todd Helton. Today on the 850KOA team, we have former WGR 55 parrot-lackey and Grade A jerkoff, Marc Stout) were calling the games....

......and I WILL be there at Coors this weekend!

Errrmmm.......wow. Where'd all these Colorado Rockies fans suddenly come from??

Typical Denver........

________________________________

Welcome to New York....The Empire.....errrr, I mean....The Non-sequitor State!

Man.....talk about "It does not follow"! Hell, if I were using the half-assed methodology that has been utilised by the anti-smoking maggots in THIS shoddily drawn conclusion, I can state that I have done studies that show, when it is raining outside, bowlers tend to roll more 300 games than when it's sunny!
.

• Smoking ban in bars is enacted.
• There happened to be a coincidental drop in the rate per capita of heart attacks.
• Therefore, logic follows that the smoking ban must be responsible for the drop in the heart attack rate!

.

Right!!!! VERY TRUE!!! Soooo........

.

• Mark Roth bowled a 300 game. So did Earl Anthony.
• It happened to coincidentally be raining outside when both of these three-hundred games were rolled.
• Therefore, logic follows that RAIN is responsible for any increase of 300 games rolled on the Pro Bowlers Tour!!

Christ, I LOVE nanny-state legislation....that's why I live in Oregon!

________________________________


And when there's nothing else to do on the beach but drink beer and feed the birds, well......

....you teach seagulls to fly up to you and eat Fritoes.

OK, The Toth trained 'em about 30 minutes before that vid of me was shot....I just came in later and fed 'em....but still.......

(note the sound - this was the day of the Saharan-style wind and sandstorm where my digital camera and cell fone went flying and both did face-plants into the sand.......)

More soon.......

-E-